fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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