i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
