You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
