they need to just BURY HIM!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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