I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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