Define "chronic" masturbator.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Even my vagina gasped.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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