I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
