thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
