I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
