I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You don't make any sense
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