He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
