i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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