Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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