I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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