During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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