Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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