hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm really busy with my period
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