I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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