I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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