I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
