Having a random hookup so left but love u
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
