Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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