this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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