I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this just has baby written all over it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
