We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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