She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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