White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
