i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
