My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
