my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
