Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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