I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
