you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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