so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
