just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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