first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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