I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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