I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
