Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
