I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
