I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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