I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
