I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
