Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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