when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
