I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
