I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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