Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're like the curious george of whores
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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