I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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