I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
