Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
