god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
