remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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