my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
