I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize