Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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