This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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