I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
