I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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