I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
