I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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