Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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