At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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