So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
