Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
