my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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