weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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