I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
