Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
