I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
