i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sext me about skeletons
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
